Final Fantasy 7 to 10 After the game
by Angellina Tsaint
Summary: Square offers the FF casts jobs after the games, but they refuse and go off to get their own... Ehehe... *CHAP 5 UP*
1. He landed on Barney!

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII, FFVIII, FFIX, FFX, Harry Potter, Moulin Rouge, The Lion King, South Park,   
  
All the main characters from Final Fantasy 7-10 (@-@) are in a big room, playing 20 questions. Cloud is currently the person they're asking stuff to.  
  
Zidane: Is it a mammal?  
  
Cloud: Maybe.  
  
Zidane: -_- Is it human?  
  
Cloud: Maybe.  
  
Zidane: *on the breaking point* DOES IT ^$&*%& EXIST?!  
  
Cloud: *big grin* Maybe!  
  
Zidane: AHHH! I CAN'T &&^%^*$ TAKE THIS ANYMORE! *leaps out window*  
  
Dagger: Aw, shit! *sigh* Looks like I'll have to go get him... *looks out window* O.o He landed on Barney! BARNEY'S DEAD! Whoo-hoo!  
  
Zidane: *from the pavement* Owwies...  
  
Kuja: Just get him up here! I'm so &^$(@% BORED!!!  
  
Squall: Well, it's been ages since any of us have gotten a job...  
  
Steiner: Except for the lucky ^$(%^& who got a job in Kingdom Hearts!  
  
*Even though some of them were in it, everyone glares at Cloud*  
  
Cloud: HEY! I needed cash!  
  
*Everyone glares at Selphie*  
  
Selphie: ... Whatever.  
  
Squall: *pissed off* THAT'S MY LINE! *hacks Selphie with gunblade @_@*  
  
Selphie: *unharmed for some weird reason* Squally, put the &*%&*^ weapon away and just sit down!   
  
Squall: *does so*  
  
Zidane walks in, bruised and battered, and with a purple bit of fluff stuck to his ear. (*-*)  
  
Tifa: *playing FFIX* Damn, this game SUCKS!   
  
FFIX Cast: *looks offended*  
  
Aeris: *watching Tifa play* Wait... Is that a guy or a girl? *points to on-screen Kuja*  
  
Tifa: A GUY.  
  
Aeris: Then yes, this game sucks!  
  
Kuja: *looking very offended*  
  
Zidane: IT DOESN'T SUCK!  
  
Cloud: Yes it does!  
  
Zidane: For your INFORMATION, Cloud, I have TWO women after me!  
  
Cloud: A girl who's ten years younger than you cannot be classified as a woman! And I have two women after me as WELL!  
  
Zidane: At least neither of mine were KILLED!  
  
Cloud: Maybe because Sephiroth isn't my BROTHER! *socks Zidane one, making him fall*  
  
Zidane: *getting up* Low blow, man! LOW BLOW! ... Well, maybe I just CONVINCED myself Kuja was!  
  
Cloud: *eye twitches*  
  
They fail to notice that everyone is watching, very amused.  
  
Zidane: And why can't there be normal sized weapons in your game, huh?  
  
Cloud: Why can't there be a decently dressed villan in yours!?  
  
Everyone looks at Kuja, and then back to the fight.  
  
Zidane: *hits Cloud, sending him reeling back into Tifa*  
  
Dagger & Eiko: GO ZIDANE!  
  
Tifa: *pushes Cloud off*  
  
Aeris: Tifa, we've got some ... business to take care of. *cracks knuckles*  
  
Tifa: Yes, we do. *rolls shoulders*  
  
The four get in an all-out catfight. Cloud and Zidane forget their differences, and pass out popcorn.  
  
Tifa: DIE, *(^%&^!  
  
Aeris: OW, Tifa!  
  
Eiko: MY HORN! WHERE IS IT?!  
  
Dagger: I'm winning! *gets hit by an elbow* No I'm not.  
  
Suddenly a movie director appears and the girls stop fighting.  
  
Vivi: Sorry, guys, have your cash back. *all the guys fish their gil outta Vivi's hat*  
  
Movie Director: Hey! Wanna be in a movie?  
  
Tidus: What sort of movie?  
  
M. D.: Harry Pot-  
  
Everyone: NO.  
  
M. D.: Moulin Rouge? (@_@)  
  
Cloud: *grins and stands up, music coming from nowhere and starts singing to Aeris*   
Love is a many, splendid thing,  
Love lifts us up where we belong,  
All you need is love!  
  
Aeris: *aware that he's joking* Please don't start that again!  
  
Cloud: All you need is love...  
  
Aeris: A girl has got to eat!  
  
Cloud: All you need is love...  
  
Aeris: She'll end up on the streets!  
  
Cloud: All you need is lo-o-ove...  
  
Aeris: Love is just a game.  
  
Cloud: I was made for loving for you baby, you were made for loving me!  
  
Aeris: The only way of loving me baby is to pay a lovely fee!  
  
Cloud: Just one night, give me just one night!  
  
Aeris: There's no way 'cause you can't pay!  
  
Cloud: In the name of love, one night in the name of love!  
  
Aeris: You crazy fool... I won't give in to you!  
  
Cloud: Don't... leave me this way... I can't survive, without your sweet love, oh baby, don't leave me this way...  
  
Aeris: You'd think the people would've had enough of silly love songs...  
  
Cloud: I look around me and I see it isn't so *laughs* no.  
  
Aeris: Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs...  
  
Cloud: Well what's wrong with that, I'd like to know, 'cause here I go, again! Love lifts us up, where we belong, where eagles fly, over mountain high!  
  
Aeris: Love makes us act like we are fools, throw our lives away, for one happy day!  
  
Cloud: We could be heroes! Just for one day...  
  
Aeris: You... you will be mean!  
  
Cloud: *laughing* No I won't!  
  
Aeris: And I... I'll drink all the time!  
  
Cloud: We should be lovers!  
  
Aeris: We can't do that!  
  
Cloud: We should be lovers, and that's a fact!  
  
Aeris: Though nothing will keep us together...  
  
Cloud: We could steal time...  
  
Together: Just for one day! We could be heroes, forever and ever! We could be heroes, forever and ever! We could be heroes...  
  
Cloud: Just because... *weird backup singing from Sephiroth (@_@) begins* I will always love you...  
  
Aeris: And I...  
  
Together: Can't help loving...  
  
Cloud: You...  
  
Aeris: How wonderful life is...  
  
Together: Now you're in the world...  
  
Sephiroth: *weird ending singing*  
  
Everyone: ;_;  
  
Barret: *sniffing* That was beautiful!  
  
M. D.: *sigh* I know you two were joking around... But you've got good voices! You sure you don't wanna do Moulin Rouge?   
  
Everyone imagines Aeris in a tight red dress and Tifa in a yellow can-can dress. A few men drool.  
  
Sephiroth: Who would play the duke? *everyone looks at him* STOP LOOKING AT ME!  
  
Cloud: Since I don't really know which of Aeris and Tifa is my "woman", I guess I'll just go along with this...  
  
M. D.: Really?! *hopeful*  
  
Everyone: NO.  
  
M. D.: Oh, come on! You'll get about 10, 000 gil if it's a success!  
  
Everyone imagines how life would be if they were 10, 000 gil richer. Tifa imagines an even bigger chest (@_@), Cloud imagines Tifa with an even bigger chest, Sephiroth imagines Tifa with an even bigger chest, Barret imagines Tifa with an even bigger chest, Vincent imagines Tifa with an even bigger chest, Yuffie imagines Tifa with an even bigger chest (@_@), and Aeris imagines lots of puppy dogs. Same for Rinoa, Dagger and Lulu.  
  
M. D.: The Lion King?  
  
Everyone: NO!  
  
M. D.: Anything? South Park?  
  
Everyone: NO!!!  
  
Tifa: We can get our own jobs! GET OUT! *kicks him out the window*  
  
Aeris: Tifa... How will we get jobs?  
  
Vivi: *anime style grin* Well... *holds up copy of Alexandrian Times*  
  
Zidane: Vivi, where'd you get that?  
  
Vivi: My hat! *holds out hat, which has a banana, a fork, and a feather in it*  
  
Tidus: *takes paper* Let's see... Aha! There are lots of jobs!   
  
Red & Cait Sith: Dear, sweet Lord...  
  
  
  
A/N: Every single character will get a job *grin* and... Well, you'll have to read the next chapters, won't you? 


	2. Please, no more carob!

Disclaimer: *being dragged away* I OWN EVERYTHING! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *gets taken to mental hospital*  
  
  
  
The casts were sitting around the mega table, eating breakfast and reading the paper, when Tifa and Aeris walked in.  
  
Cloud: *takes a bite of toast* Morning ladies!  
  
Others: *eating* Morning...  
  
Tifa: We've decided on a job!  
  
Aeris: We've joined WWF!  
  
Others: O_O *choke on their breakfast*  
  
Sephiroth: *bangs the table and his chocolate rice krispies go everywhere* WHAT?!  
  
Aeris & Tifa: We've got practise today, bye! *run out*  
  
Lulu: They can't be in WWF!  
  
Dagger: They'll get annihilated!  
  
Zidane: This I gotta see!  
  
Cloud: I can't just let them do this! But... I have to finish my breakfast first! *resumes eating*  
  
Vivi and Tidus went back to reading the Alexandrian Times, and Yuffie was on the internet, reading some particulary detailed stories involving her friends and the others. (There's no need to know what) Cid walked over, took a look and had to run to the bathroom.  
  
Cloud: What's up with Cid?  
  
Yuffie: *covers computer screen* Oh, nothing... *thinking* Just a lovely story involving you, Sephiroth, and handcuffs ... (AHHHHHHHHH!)  
  
Cloud: OK then! *resumes eating again*  
  
Vivi: YES! *dances on the table*   
  
Tidus: O.o  
  
Steiner: Master Vivi, why are you dancing on the table?  
  
Vivi: I've found some perfect jobs for some of you!  
  
Others: What?  
  
Vivi: Porn! ^_^  
  
Zidane: Vivi, please, no more carob!!!  
  
Vivi: *still on the table and holding the carob protectively* NO! I MUST HAVE CAROB!  
  
Zidane: O_O Alrighty then.  
  
Sephiroth: *reading paper* Damn, the backstreet boys are crap! So are all the other boybands... Gifted with my talent of Lance Bass' voice, I will save the pop market!  
  
Others: O_O  
  
Irvine: Oooo, I want in!  
  
So Sephiroth, bent on his plan of becoming a pop god, let Irvine join his so far non-existent band.  
  
Irvine: Hey transvestite!  
  
Kuja: *looks up from gameboy* What?  
  
Sephiroth: You're a part of the band.  
  
Kuja: *nods* I see. *goes back to game*  
  
Sephiroth: *walks over to Cloud* You have to be in as well.  
  
Cloud: O.o WHY?!  
  
Sephiroth: You were voiced by a guy from General Hospital!  
  
Cloud: Aeris was voiced by Mandy Moore!  
  
Sephiroth: She joined WWF.  
  
Cloud: Fine...  
  
So the four stood at one end of the room, discussing the band name.  
  
Kuja: The evil guy, the transvestite, the ladies man, and the hero!  
  
Sephiroth: No... Too long.  
  
Cloud: ...  
  
Irvine: How about *S.I.C.K.?  
  
Sephiroth: Hmm?  
  
Irvine: Our initials with a nifty star at the beginning!  
  
Sephiroth: Great! We're *S.I.C.K.! *grin*  
  
Cloud: Dear lord... *looks around the room*  
  
Vivi was doing the macarena on the table to Dagger's singing (O.o), and Steiner was clapping, which made a nice metallic beat. Yuffie was still reading things on the internet, and Rikku was now reading as well. Every now and then, they'd giggle and whisper to each other. The rest of the FF8 cast were playing Go Fish, which resulted in Seifer giving Squall another scar. Tidus, Yuna, Wakka, Amarant, Eiko and Kimarhi were playing limbo, with Vincent and Cid holding up the bar. Lulu and Zidane were discussing a strip joint idea (O.O). And Auron was reading tarot cards.  
  
Cloud: *sigh* Maybe I'm better off in *S.I.C.K....  
  
Meanwhile, at WWF...  
  
Man: Yes?  
  
Tifa: We joined yesterday.  
  
Man: I see. Please get changed over there *points to a room*.  
  
Aeris: Ok... *they go*  
  
They come out, with them both wearing leather/spandex bodysuits, Tifa's metallic purple and Aeris's metallic pink.  
  
Aeris: AHHH! This is too revealing! *puts on mini-jacket-thing*  
  
Tifa: DAMN! I look HOT in this! *twirls in front of mirror*  
  
Wrestling Guy: *walking past* I heard you ladies will be wrestling! Ha! You'll be crushed!  
  
Tifa: So NO ONE wants my number?  
  
Wrestling Woman: *walks past in metallic gold bodysuit* Oh... Pity. New victims, I'd hoped they'd be good...  
  
Aeris: WE'LL KICK YOUR ASS!  
  
Tifa: Let's hope...  
  
  
A/N: I know nothing about WWF. And this chapter was short. 


	3. AHHHHH! My ass is on fire!

Disclaimer: It's amazing what Squaresoft will give ya if you dig up enough dirt about them! If only I could find something... Until then, they own all. Even WWF. And there's a wee scene I stole from Jay and Silent Bob strike back.  
But *S.I.C.K. is MINE! BUAHAHAHA!  
  
  
  
The members of *S.I.C.K. were trying to decide on a song.  
  
Kuja: Sweet Transvestite!  
  
Others: O.O  
  
Sephiroth: NO.  
  
Cloud: Elevation?  
  
Irvine: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT BONO! (based on my brother)  
  
Sephiroth: If I'm voiced by an Nsyncer, then we'll sing a song by them!  
  
Kuja: Did they even write their own songs?  
  
Sephiroth: *eye twitches* ...   
  
Cloud: Uhm... Anyway...  
  
Sephiroth: We'll sing It's Gonna Be Me.  
  
Others: WHAT!? Why?  
  
Sephiroth: Who started this band? ME! Now let's get to work!  
  
Meanwhile, in the streets of Alexandria...  
  
Vivi: CHOCOLATE! GET YOUR CREAMY CHOCOLATE HERE! *thinking* I will make them ALL eat carob! Hahahaha!  
  
Person: Can I have some chocolate?  
  
Vivi: *giggle* 100 gil please.  
  
Person: *hands over gil and gets carob* Thanks! *goes off and eats it somewhere else*  
  
So Vivi got lots of customers, all buying "chocolate"... Let's see where Zidane and Lulu are...  
  
Zidane: Lulu, wanna work for me?  
  
Lulu: Where will I work?  
  
Zidane: Outside Kiddie Studios!  
  
Lulu: -.-' Isn't that where they film Teletubbies?  
  
Zidane: Exactly! The creators of that show must be so stupid they can't get any! With you there, our profits will be booming!  
  
Lulu: Ok, sure!  
  
O.O''' Is there ANYONE who has a decent job here? Oh, look! It's Auron and Tidus in Besaid!  
  
Auron: I'm going to be a psychic!  
  
Tidus: O.o A psychic? Why?  
  
Auron: I've wanted to be a psychic since I was a child! And YOU will help me!  
  
Tidus: Eh?  
  
Auron: I can't predict stuff for donkeys! You'll be my accessory!  
  
Tidus: And my cash?  
  
Auron: 80/20?  
  
Tidus: 80/20?!  
  
Auron: Or 70/30 -  
  
Tidus: NO WAY, man! You already said 80/20, so stick with it!  
  
Auron: *grin* Sure!  
  
If I don't find someone with a decent, honest job soon I'll freak! Hey, why is Seymour going to Kiddie Studios?  
  
Man at desk: Ah, Mr Seymour! You've come for your first day!  
  
Seymour: ^-^ Yup! I just LOVE this show!  
  
Man at desk: Great! The changing rooms are over there!  
  
Seymour walks off... Meanwhile, back to Vivi, who seems to have gotten into a spot of trouble...  
  
Policeman: Sir, I am ALLERGIC to carob!   
  
Vivi: *gulp* How was I supposed to know that?!  
  
Policeman: SIR, YOU WILL COME WITH ME DOWN TO THE STATION!  
  
Vivi: O.O! But I'm only 9! And I helped save the world!  
  
Policeman: Sure, and let me guess! You know Queen Garnet, RIGHT?  
  
Vivi: Actually, I do! AHA! *uses Firaga on Policeman*  
  
Policeman: AHHH! My ass is on fire!  
  
Vivi: Now I can run away!  
  
Policeman: *sits in well-placed bucket of water* Ahhh... OI! Come back here! HOOLIGAN! *catches Vivi*  
  
Vivi: Bugger...  
  
So Vivi was taken to Alexandria prison. I wonder where Rikku is, anyway?  
  
Rikku: *to old man* Rao, suja! E fyhhy ced drana!  
  
Old Man: Crid oan dnyb, oy bihg!  
  
Rikku: O.O Lnyb... Oui cbayg Al Bhed?!  
  
Old Man: ^_^ Ramm oayr! E nih yh Al Bhed cdneb zuehd tufhdufh!  
  
Rikku: Fuf, luum! Lyh E pa eh ed?  
  
Old Man: o.o; Famm, so knyhtcuh'c dygehk ujan dra picehacc, cu fro tuh'd E dyga oui du res vun y bnejyda cruf?  
  
Rikku: Yfacusa!  
  
Old Man: ... E drehg cusa baubma yna luhvicat, mad'c dymg eh ahkmecr huf...  
  
Rikku: *pouts* Fine...  
  
So they head off to the Old Man's stripjoint... Btw, go here -- http://www.pixelscapes.com/twoflower/albhed.html if you didn't understand any of that.  
Anyway, at Balamb Garden...  
  
Zell: HOT DOGS! GET YOUR HOT DOGS HERE!  
  
Voice from under table: MY TAILLLL!!! AHHHHH!  
  
Zell: Red XIII, SHUT UP!  
  
Red: YOU CHOPPED OFF MY TAIL!!!!  
  
Zell: O.o... So I did!  
  
Fujin: GIVE. ME. FOOD.  
  
Zell: Alrighty! *gives her a hotdog*  
  
Fujin: FUR. ON. FOOD.  
  
Zell: oo; Whoops! I didnÕt shave that one enough! Here, take this one! *hands her a different one*  
Fujin: *takes a bite* MEDICAL. HELP. NEEDED. *collapses*  
  
Raijin: O.O! Fujin had a bad hotdog, ya know?  
  
Zell: Uh... Red XIII, letÕs get out of here!  
  
Red XIII: MY TAIL! SHE ATE MY TAIL!  
  
While Zell gets thrown into prison as well for Animal Cruelty and Food Poisoning, letÕs see how RikkuÕs stripping jobÕs going...  
  
Rikku: *goes inside* O.O Yuna, Selphie, what are you doing here?  
  
Yuna and Selphie: We work here!  
  
Rikku: Coolio! IÕm gonna have an interview!  
  
Selphie: Oooh! The guyÕs cute!  
  
Yuna: Yeah! ^-^  
  
Rikku: Wish me luck!A few, censored moments later...  
  
Cute Grandson: YouÕre HIRED!  
  
Rikku: Yay!  
  
O.O; That I did not need to know of... Anyway, letÕs check on Auron and Tidus...  
  
Auron: Hello, sir!  
  
Tidus: Can you read my mind?  
  
A big crowd gathers.  
  
Auron: Sure! YouÕre thinking... That Yuna looks damn hot in the strip club poster!  
  
Tidus: O.O I WAS thinking that!  
  
Crowd: *cheers*  
  
Auron: Thankyou, sir!  
  
O-K... LetÕs check on Zidane and Lulu again.  
  
Zidane: *wearing an outfit just like Austin PowersÕs 50Õs outfit from Goldmember* ^_^ This is going well! Good work, Lulu!  
  
Lulu: Here, some more! *hands him 100, 005 gil*  
  
Zidane: Shibby!  
  
Anyway, letÕs go back to the strip joint, where Kimahiri is auditioning...  
  
Cute Grandson: *in other room* AHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ehhhh, the mental image! LetÕs check on Kiddie Studios... WhatÕs Vincent doing here?  
  
Man: Mr Vincent! The movie studios are down the hall.  
  
Vincent: *goes*  
  
Director: Ah! YouÕre here! The movie will be starting shortly... But since weÕre short of money, weÕre making a porno instead.  
  
Vincent: O.O  
  
Director: And hereÕs our stand-in for the female character!  
  
Yuffie walks in.  
  
Yuffie: Hi! *sees Vincent, who is gaping* O.O  
  
Vincent: O.o  
  
I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THIS!!!! LetÕs check on *S.I.C.K..  
  
Cloud: *off-tune* YouÕre just tooooo fine, you seeeeee....  
  
Others: AHHHH!  
  
Sephiroth: STOP SINGING!  
  
Cloud: ThereÕs no need to yell!  
  
Irvine: Can I sing?  
  
Sephiroth: ThatÕd be even WORSE! *shudder*  
  
  
A/N: Finally.... 1000 words!!! Wheee! 


	4. GIMME MY 30 GIL, YA!

Disclaimer: JUST IN! I OWN EVERYTHING! ... It's backwards day here in Disclaimer Land... And I own the mini game idea!   
(Translation: YOU'VE KNOWN THIS FOR AGES! I DON'T OWN JACK SCHITT! And I don't own the mini-game idea either!)  
  
  
  
In Alexandria jail...  
  
Vivi: Paper, scissors, rock! YAY! I WON!   
  
Zell: Ahhh! Um... Best out of 12, 000?  
  
Jail Guard: SHADDUP!  
  
Zell: WAZZZUP?  
  
Vivi: WAZZUPPP?  
  
Jail Guard: WAZZ... NO! Quiet, heathen, ya?  
  
Vivi & Zell: WAKKA?!  
  
Wakka takes off his ShinRa mask and hat.  
  
Vivi & Zell: O.O  
  
Wakka: What, ya?  
  
Zell: MAJOR hat-hair!  
  
Wakka looks in a mirror and screams. All his hair is flat on his head.  
  
Wakka: AHHH! I look like Tidus, ya?  
  
Vivi: Hey... Can you let us out of here?  
  
Wakka: No, I can't, ya?  
  
Vivi: I have 30 gil!  
  
Zell: O.O Where'd you get that?  
  
Vivi: Pyra.  
  
Wakka: Who's Pyra, ya?  
  
Vivi points to the reviews to the fic.  
  
Wakka & Zell: Oh!  
  
Vivi: 30 gil! C'mon, lemme out!  
  
Wakka: Ok... *lets them out*  
  
Vivi: WHEET! *runs off*  
  
Wakka: O.o GIMME MY 30 GIL, YA?! *runs after him*  
  
(Where would any Final Fantasy game be without a mini-game that makes you want to scream?)  
  
- Vivi running away mini-game -  
  
X - Jump  
  
O - Duck  
  
Square - Speed up  
  
Triangle - Magic  
  
Vivi is running away from Wakka. A cat is in his way.  
  
X - Vivi jumps over the cat  
  
Wakka is getting closer and closer to Vivi.  
  
Square - Vivi speeds up and Wakka is left behind  
  
Triangle - Vivi uses Watera on Wakka  
  
Wakka throws his Blitzball.  
  
O - Vivi ducks and the Blitzball goes back to hit Wakka in the face  
  
Vivi bumps into Tidus.  
  
- Mini-game over -  
  
Tidus: O.O Why does Wakka have my hair!?  
  
Vivi: Good question!   
  
Wakka: *runs up* Hey, how come Cloud's hair never went like this, ya?  
  
Vivi: And that's an even better one!  
  
While they ponder the mysteries of the universe, Seymour is having a fine time at his new job.  
  
Lala: Lala say GET OFF ME YOU PIECE OF -  
  
Director: LALA! We're live in front of a kiddy audience! Seymour, stop hitting on Lala!  
  
ANYWAY, in the strip club... The girls are stripping.  
  
Random Drunk Guy: Babe, you and me, in a room, NOW!  
  
Yuna: CID?! MY UNCLE?!  
  
R. D. C.: I'm Kingdom Hearts Cid! *eats Gummi Block* Mmmm... Boysenberry!  
  
Others: -.-'  
  
Meanwhile, at *S.I.C.K. HQ...  
  
Irvine: Why can't I sing?!  
  
Sephiroth: 'Cause you SUCK!  
  
Irvine: *scowl I QUIT!  
  
Sephiroth: YOU CAN'T QUIT! YOU'RE FIRED!  
  
A few seconds pass.  
  
Cloud: Now what? We can't be *S.C.K.!  
  
Sephiroth: Hmm... *notices Ultemecia and Seifer talking* HEY! You're in my band!  
  
Ultemecia & Seifer: O.O We are?  
  
Sephiroth: *grin* Now my band *S.U.C.K.S. will rule!  
  
Others: Yay for *S.U.C.K.S.!  
  
While they party and get drunk, something sinister is at hand...  
  
Weird place where bad dudes are in KH (I haven't played much KH, so bear with me!).  
  
Jafar: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! AHHHH! *is kicked out along with Heartless, and other baddies*  
  
A figure is standing there.   
  
Figure: Ahahahahahahahahahahaha! Now they will pay!  
  
At the FF dinner...  
  
Tifa: *eats* Hm... I wonder what happened to that Squaresoft guy?  
  
Squaresoft Guy: *falls out of garbage* Here I am!   
  
Aeris: *drinks* So, how was everyone's day?  
  
Seymour: I was in Teletubbies, but they fired me!  
  
Vincent and Yuffie: *silent*  
  
*S.U.C.K.S.: We're performing at Dagger's palace!  
  
Strip Club Ladies: We made a bundle!  
  
Kimarhi: Me fired from strip club.  
  
Irvine: I quit *S.I.C.K., which is now *S.U.C.K.S..  
  
Zell: I got arrested for food poisoning and animal cruelty!  
  
Red XIII: *stares longingly at his stump of a tail*  
  
Vivi: I lied my way out of jail after selling carob, and had to go through a mini-game!  
  
Wakka: My hair's like Tidus's, ya?  
  
Zidane: I'm the finest pimp in FF!  
  
Lulu: *waves big wad of gil* ^_^  
  
Auron: I became a psychic...  
  
Tidus: I helped out Auron, and then I met up with Wakka and Vivi.  
  
Tifa: You know damn well how I was beat up today... *pissed off*  
  
Aeris: I kicked your ASS, Tifa! WOOT!  
  
Others: ... -.-  
  
Cloud: *stares at his food* Maybe we should have taken that job from the Squaresoft guy...  
  
Tifa: NO way! C'mon, we have to try!  
  
Wakka: Hey, Cloud? Why don't you get hat hair, ya?  
  
Cloud: *picks up knife and slashes his hair*  
  
Everyone gapes as the knife breaks.  
  
Cloud: I don't wash out gel! *grin*  
  
After dinner, they played charades and went to bed, ready for a new day...  
  
  
A/N: WHOOT! This is my longest fic, chapter wise and length wise! *cheers for herself* 


	5. YOU GAVE ME YELLOW PUTTY!

Disclaimer/A/N: W00T! 10 reviews! PEOPLE LIKE THIS FIC! And that means... I have to write more!  
And I bet you're just DYING to know who the bad guy is... Well, maybe not. ALL WILL BE REVEALED!  
P.S.: I don't own anything.  
  
  
It was a beautiful morning in Alexandria. And all the FF crews were awake and at the Alexandrian market... Except for Zidane, super-pimp. He was planning something...  
  
Zidane: I want to buy this place.  
  
Barman: Sonny, how much gil ya got?  
  
Zidane: *opens breifcase* Is this enough? O.O Hello?  
  
The barman and the breifcase had dissapeared.  
  
Zidane: Sweet!  
  
So he started on his plan. Meanwhile, at the market...  
  
Wakka: I don't want to buy that crappy leather thing, ya?  
  
Dagger: ... That's a blitzball, FF9 style!  
  
Wakka: It's still a crappy leather thing, ya?  
  
Cloud: *walking around* Hey, hey, I saved the world today-ay... *notices poster on the wall* FF CREWS ASSEMBLE!  
  
- Mini-game -  
  
Beat the crowds to get to Cloud!  
  
O - Kick  
  
X - Push  
  
Square - Jump  
  
Triangle - Hit  
  
As Wakka  
  
X - Pushes old lady out of way  
  
O - Kicks dog out of way  
  
Square - Jumps from angry grandson  
  
Triangle - Hits grandson  
  
Wakka gets to Cloud  
  
As Dagger  
  
O - Kicks pervert "there"  
  
X - Pushes aside man selling popcorn  
  
Square - Jumps over baby carridge  
  
Dagger gets to Cloud  
  
As Tifa  
  
Square - Jumps over fruit stall  
  
Triangle - Hits man trying to sell her a scarf  
  
Tifa gets to Cloud, and so do all the others.  
  
- Mini-game over -  
  
(There will be many more mini-games, in case you were wondering)  
  
Cloud: Look! Zidane's starting up a Karaoke bar!  
  
Others: O.O NO WAY!  
  
Sephiroth: ^_^ This'll be a great way to boost *S.U.C.K.S.'s carrer!  
  
Tifa: And a prize of 10, 000, 000 gil!  
  
O.O TEN MILLION GIL!? Whoah... Well, needless to say, they all entered, and practised, and chose songs...   
  
Zidane: *steps up to mike* Hello, and welcome to Zidane's Karaoke Bar! You'll be competing against each other to win ten million gil!  
  
Crowd: W00T!  
  
Zidane: And our first contestant is Tifa!  
  
The crowd cheers as Tifa steps up to the mike and music begins to play.  
  
Tifa: I'll be singing "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne!  
  
Uh huh, life's like this  
Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is  
Cause life's like this  
Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is  
  
Chill out whatcha yelling' for?  
Lay back it's all been done before  
And if you could only let it be  
you will see  
I like you the way you are  
When we're drivin' in your car  
and you're talking to me one on one but you've become  
  
Somebody else round everyone else  
You're watching your back like you can't relax  
You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me  
Tell me  
  
Why you have to go and make things so complicated?  
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated  
Life's like this you  
And you fall and you crawl and you break  
and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty  
and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it  
no no no  
  
You come over unannounced  
dressed up like you're somethin' else  
where you are and where it's at you see  
you're making me  
laugh out when you strike your pose  
take off all your preppy clothes  
you know you're not fooling anyone  
when you've become  
  
Somebody else round everyone else  
Watching your back, like you can't relax  
Trying to be cool you look like a fool to me  
Tell me  
  
Why you have to go and make things so complicated?  
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated  
Life's like this you  
and You fall and you crawl and you break  
and you take what you get and you turn it into  
honesty  
promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it  
no no no  
  
Chill out whatcha yelling for?  
Lay back, it's all been done before  
And if you could only let it be  
You will see  
  
Somebody else round everyone else  
You're watching your back, like you can't relax  
You're trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me  
Tell me  
  
Why you have to go and make things so complicated?  
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated  
Life's like this you  
and You fall and you crawl and you break  
and you take what you get and you turn it into  
honesty  
promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it  
no no  
  
Why you have to go and make things so complicated?  
I see the way you're acting like your somebody else gets me frustrated  
Life's like this you  
You fall and you crawl and you break  
and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty  
promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it  
no no no  
  
Zidane: *steps up again as Tifa leaves* Well, great job Tifa!  
  
The crowd cheers.  
  
Zidane: Our next contestant is Sephiroth!  
  
The women in the crowd scream theirselves hoarse as Sephiroth steps up.  
  
Sephiroth: I'll sing "Papercut" by Linkin Park...  
  
The music kicks in.  
  
Sephiroth: Why does it feel like night today?   
Something in hereÕs not right today  
Why am I so uptight today?   
ParanoiaÕs all I got left  
I donÕt know what stressed me first  
Or how the pressure was fed / but  
I know just what it feels like  
To have a voice in the back of my head  
  
ItÕs like a face that I hold inside  
A face that awakes when I close my eyes  
A face watches every time I lie  
A face that laughs every time I fall  
(And watches everything)   
So I know that when itÕs time to sink or swim  
That the face inside is hearing me / right beneath my skin  
  
ItÕs like IÕm / paranoid lookinÕ over my back  
ItÕs like a / whirlwind inside of my head  
ItÕs like I / canÕt stop what IÕm hearing within  
ItÕs like the face inside is right beneath my skin  
  
I know IÕve got a face in me  
Points out all the mistakes to me  
YouÕve got a face on the inside too and  
Your paranoiaÕs probably worse  
  
donÕt know what set me off first but I know what I canÕt stand  
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is  
I canÕt add up to what you can but  
Everybody has a face that they hold inside  
A face that awakes when they close their eyes  
A face watches every time they lie  
A face that laughs every time they fall  
(And watches everything)   
So you know that when itÕs time to sink or swim  
  
That the face inside is watching you too / right inside your skin  
ItÕs like IÕm / paranoid lookinÕ over my back  
ItÕs like a / whirlwind inside of my head  
ItÕs like I / canÕt stop what IÕm hearing within  
ItÕs like the face inside is right beneath my skin  
  
ItÕs like IÕm / paranoid lookinÕ over my back  
ItÕs like a / whirlwind inside of my head  
ItÕs like I / canÕt stop what IÕm hearing within  
ItÕs like the face inside is right beneath my skin  
  
the face inside is right beneath my skin  
the face inside is right beneath my skin  
the face inside is right beneath my skin  
  
The sun goes down  
I feel the light betray me  
  
The sun goes down  
I feel the light betray me  
  
The sun  
ItÕs like IÕm / paranoid lookinÕ over my back  
ItÕs like a / whirlwind inside of my head  
ItÕs like I / canÕt stop what IÕm hearing within  
ItÕs like the face inside is right beneath my skin  
I feel the light betray me  
  
The sun  
ItÕs like IÕm / paranoid lookinÕ over my back  
ItÕs like a / whirlwind inside of my head  
ItÕs like I / canÕt stop what IÕm hearing within  
I feel the light betray me  
ItÕs like I / canÕt stop what IÕm hearing within  
ItÕs like I / canÕt stop what IÕm hearing within  
ItÕs like the face inside is right beneath my skin  
  
The women continue to scream and cheer as Sephiroth resumes his seat and Zidane steps up.  
  
Zidane: Next up is Vivi and Rikku!  
  
Vivi: *steps up* We'll be singing "Internet Killed The Video Star"!  
  
Rikku: It's a parody I found on the internet!  
  
The music starts.  
  
Vivi: I heard about Mosaic back in '92,  
On IRC the talk was focusing on you.  
Big business idiots, they never had a clue!  
  
Rikku: Oh, oh!  
  
Vivi: With AOL came Compuserve and Prodigy,  
Promising video interactivity,  
And we could download all our porno... for a fee.  
  
Rikku: Oh, oh!  
  
Vivi: Gates didn't like it...  
  
Rikku: Oh, oh!  
  
Vivi: He didn't own it.  
  
Rikku: Internet killed the video star, internet killed the video star!  
  
Vivi: Real-time streaming ... broke your heart,  
And now we watch 3D real-time rendering show,  
MP3 audio just seemed so long ago,  
Hell, I even remember watching MTV in mono!  
  
Rikku: Oh, oh!  
  
Vivi: Came from the cold war...  
  
Rikku: Oh, oh!  
  
Vivi: Now it's one global store!  
  
Rikku: Internet killed the video star, internet killed the video star!  
  
Vivi: Plug my mind into the bar,  
Drink martinis with a former teen pop star,  
Record Ricky Martin on my DVD-R,  
Forget all about...  
Who you really are...  
  
  
The crowd goes spastic, and the two step down. Zidane leaps back onstage.  
  
Zidane: AHHH! THE CEILING'S CAVING INNN!  
  
The ceiling falls. Suddenly Cloud wakes up.  
  
Cloud: 0.0 Damn, that was one realistic dream! *takes peice of plaster out of his hair and goes downstairs*  
  
Tifa: *cooking breakfast* ^_^ Morning!  
  
Cloud: I just had this really weird dream!  
  
Zidane: *eating cereal* Was it about Barney?  
  
Cloud: O.o No...  
  
Zidane: Aw... I had a dream about Barney...  
  
Dagger: You ALWAYS have dreams about Barney!  
  
Cloud: -.-' *sits down*  
  
Tifa: Ok, done! *takes plate of food to Cloud*  
  
Cloud: O.O What's this?!  
  
Tifa: Scrambled eggs!  
  
Cloud: No, this is weirdo yellow goop!  
  
Tifa: *looks down* AHHH! Who replaced the scrambled eggs with yellow putty while I wasn't looking?!  
  
Aeris: *spits out* YOU GAVE ME YELLOW PUTTY!?! @_@... I feel sick! *runs to bathroom*  
  
So Tifa still didn't know what had happened, and Aeris spent most of her morning in the bathroom. But later on that day, Vivi, who was totally bored, turned on the TV.  
  
Vivi: *turns on TV* O.O! A PORNO! SWEET!  
  
Zidane: *walks in and sees the TV* SW33T!!!!  
  
They watch the porno when Cloud walks in.  
  
Cloud: *looks at TV* O.O!!! THAT'S THE GIRLS!  
  
Tidus: *runs in* I WANNA SEE! I WANNA SEE!  
  
Cloud: WHAT THE HELL ARE AERIS AND TIFA DOING?!?  
  
Vivi: *turns his head sideways a bit* No... That's a banana! Not Aeris and Tifa!  
  
Cloud: *turns his head sideways* Oh yeah!  
  
Tidus: O.O This isn't even a porno! It's a cereal ad!  
  
O.O''' So they changed the channel... Meanwhile, in evil HQ...  
  
Figure: BWAHAHAHA!  
  
A smaller figure steps out from shadows.  
  
Smaller Figure: *jerks around disco style*  
  
Figure: *picks up Smaller Figure and sticks their pinky to their mouth* Yes, Mr Bigglesworth! We will take over these pathetic worlds! Or my name isn't....   
  
*INSERT DRUMROLL HERE*  
  
Figure: DOCTOR KADOWAKI! *lightning flashes*  
  
  
  
A/N: What the hell? Who replaced Tifa's breakfast with yellow putty? Why is Doctor Kadowaki taking over the worlds? Why did Vivi mistake a cereal ad for a porno?  
ALL WILL BE REVEALED!!! (If you're a good person and review! ^_^) 


	6. Pointlessness for all!

A/N/Disclaimer: Well, well. This is my GREATEST fic! People LIKE it! *sigh* I'm too much of a people pleaser! So... I don't anyone here, but I'm gonna write about 'em anyways.   
Note: I stole a few scenes from various movies. Guess which ones they are!  
  
  
So, another day ended. Cloud, who seems to be the hero now, was trying to jump out a window due to the horrific sounds coming from Vivi's room, which was right next door.  
  
Cloud: @_@ HOLY SHIT! He's only supposed to be a really short 9 year old!  
  
From Other Room: Oh, Tifa! Aeris! Dagger! Yuna!  
  
Cloud: @_@" OPEN, YOU GODDAMNED WINDOW! *bashes window with buster sword* WAIT! He's with MY WOMEN!  
  
So Cloud, evidently pissed off, woke up Zidane and Tidus, and they listened to the sounds.  
  
Yuna: *from beyond the door* Oh, Vivi! I didn't know that was possible!  
  
Tidus: O.o I'M GONNA KILL -  
  
Zidane & Cloud: SHHHH!  
  
And then, came the final straw.  
  
Dagger: *from beyond the door* Oh, Sephiroth, Sephiroth! I love you!  
  
The Guys: HOLY SHIT!!!! *they bust down the door*  
  
Cloud: @_@ You're...  
  
Tidus: @_@ Doing...  
  
ZIdane: @_@ Hairstyles!   
  
Tifa, Aeris, Dagger, Vivi, Sephiroth and Yuna looked up. They all had funky hairdos.  
  
Sephiroth: O.O *hides his plaits*  
  
Aeris: Hi, guys! Wanna join us?  
  
Cloud: I thought - We thought...  
  
Vivi: What?  
  
Zidane: Nothing! Sure, I'll join you!  
  
So for the rest of the night, they all had funky hairstyles, swapped manly stories (O.O) and in the morning...  
  
Vivi: ^_^ I'm making WAFFLES! *holds up spatula*  
  
Others: *clap and cheer*  
  
Zidane: I want extra maple syrup!  
  
Vivi: *throws maple syrup and a waffle at Zidane*  
  
Zidane: AHHH! MY FACE! IT BURRRNNNS!  
  
Dagger: Vivi, what did you put in those things?  
  
Vivi: *quickly hides varnish* Nothing!  
  
Quina: *picks up varnish* Quina want varnish! ^_^  
  
Others: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Zidane: O.O Quina, where in tarnation did you come from!?  
  
Cloud: Dude... You just said TARNATION!  
  
Zidane: *hides copy of FF6*  
  
Yuna: O.O Hey, that's MY copy!  
  
FFX crew: #_#  
  
Yuna: Edgar is SUCH a TOTAL hottie!  
  
Wakka: And that Terra's something, ya?  
  
All FF males: *drool*  
  
Tifa: @_@ What the hell?  
  
Aeris: They just ate varnish-infested waffles! Forgive them!  
  
Tifa: Yes, yes... *nods*  
  
Suddenly the varnish turns into see-through Shadow/Heartless/thingys.  
  
Shadow/Heartless/thingys: *dissapear*  
  
Sephiroth: *too high on sniffing varnish to notice anything*  
  
Cloud: *also too high on sniffing varnish to notice anything*  
  
Irvine: *too busy reading a porno to notice anything*  
  
Selphie: AHHH! Irvine, I told you to stop reading those!   
  
Lulu: *uses Fire on Irvine's porno*  
  
Selphie: Ah... Thanks!  
  
Suddenly a roar of laughter comes from the other room. Everyone runs in to see Cid and Squall playing Cloud's "recollection" on FFVII.  
  
Tifa: What's so funny?  
  
Cid: *laugh*Watch*laugh*this!*laugh*  
  
They watch...  
  
*on the TV*  
  
(We are now in a military truck, on a bumpy ride along an old, almost-forgotten road. The windshield wipers do little to defend against the pounding rain. Boxes and crates are strewn about. Cloud stands near the back of the truck. Two Shinra soldiers sit on crates. Sephiroth sits on another.)   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "It sure is raining hard."   
  
(He walks over to one of the guards. He isn't looking well.)   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hey, how are you doing?"   
  
(The soldier makes a dismissive gesture, then sinks down lower.)   
  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I'm all right."   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I wouldn't know..."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've never had motion sickness."   
  
(He walks to the other guard.)   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Everything okay?"   
  
(He walks to the middle of the truck. Sephiroth looks up.)   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hey."   
  
(Cloud turns.)   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Settle down."   
  
(Cloud starts doing his squat thrusts.)   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "They gave me new Materia."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I can't wait to use it."   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...just like a kid."   
  
(Cloud stops.)   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "You going to brief us about this mission?"   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...this isn't a typical mission."   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Good!"   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Why do you say that?"   
  
(Cloud walks to the back of the truck and looks out.)   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I joined SOLDIER so I could be like you."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "But by the time I made First Class, the war was already over."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "My big hopes of becoming a hero like you ended with the war."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "That's why I always sign up whenever there's a big mission. Kind of a way to prove myself."   
  
(He turns.)   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Say, how do you feel, MISTER Sephiroth?"   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...I thought you wanted a briefing?"   
  
(Cloud smooths his hair and walks to Sephiroth.)   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Our mission is to investigate an old Fart reactor."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "There have been reports of it malfunctioning, and producing talk show hosts."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "First, we will dispose of those hosts, Then, we'll locate the problem and neutralize it."   
  
(Cloud taps his foot.)   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Talk show hosts... Where?"   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "The Fart Reactor at Nibelheim."   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Nibelheim..."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "That's where I'm from."   
  
(Sephiroth nods.)   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hmm... hometown..."   
  
(A loud crash rattles the whole truck. The driver turns to the back.)  
  
Ê "Sir...s, something strange just crashed into our truck!"   
  
(Sephiroth stands.)   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "That would be our Talk show host..."   
  
(Battle sequence in which Sephiroth and Cloud fight a massive Sally J. Raphael. We see that Sephiroth has 30 times Cloud's HP, and can do about 300 times the damage. Sephiroth never loses any HP to Sally's attacks. The scene changes, back to the inn at Kalm.)   
  
*In the room*  
  
Cloud: What the hell?  
  
Squall: *grin* Keep watching!  
  
*On the TV*  
  
(We are now at the front gate of Nibelheim, Cloud's hometown. Sephiroth approaches the gate, then stops and turns.)   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "How does it feel?"   
  
(He looks around.)   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "It's your first time back to your hometown in a long time, right?"   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "So how does it feel?"   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I wouldn't know because I don't have a hometown..."   
  
Cloud (offscreen)   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Umm.... how 'bout your parents?"   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "My mother is Jenova. She died right after she gave birth to me. My father..."   
  
(He laughs, then chokes.)   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "What does it matter...?"   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "All right, let's go."   
  
(He walks into Nibelheim. Cloud and the two guards follow.)   
  
(He speaks with Sephiroth.)   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "The fart smell is pretty bad here."   
  
(Cloud continues into Nibleheim. The screen fades to black.)   
  
*In the room*  
  
Tifa: *giggle* You edited it!  
  
Cid: And our version is DAMN better!  
  
*On the TV*  
  
Cloud goes to the second floor of the inn. Sephiroth stands on the landing, looking out the window.  
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "What are you looking at?"   
  
A guard comes upstairs and goes into the bedroom.   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...This scenery.......I feel like I know this place."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "..........."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "We have an early start tomorrow. You should get some sleep soon."   
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ"It's still early."   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...I'm not going to wake you up tomorrow."   
  
Cloud  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "WOOOT! PAR-TAY!" *runs down the stairs*  
  
Sephiroth  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Get your whiney ass into bed! NOW!"  
  
Cloud  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Yes..." *goes to bed*  
  
*In the room*  
  
Sephiroth: Whiney ass? I'd never say that!  
  
Squall: Your point being?  
  
*On the TV*  
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've hired a guide to the Fart reactor."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've heard she's young. I hope we can rely on her..."   
  
They sleep.   
  
*In the room*  
  
Cloud: That is NOT funny!  
  
Cid: But it hasn't even gotten to the real good bits yet!  
  
*On the TV*  
  
Tifa  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Heya, I'm your guide!"  
  
Sephiroth intently stares.  
  
Cloud  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Dude, that's my best friend!"  
  
Sephiroth  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Uh... Let's go, or whatever the hell I'm supposed to say..."  
  
*In the room*  
  
Lulu: You boys have far too much free time.  
  
Squall: You HAVE to see this bit!  
  
*On the TV*  
  
The bridge falls.  
  
Cloud  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ *helps Tifa up*  
  
Voice  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "AH, ^$*&%*^!"  
  
Cloud  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Looks like Sephiroth's ok!"  
  
*In the room*  
  
Sephiroth: You really hate me, don't you?  
  
Squall & Cid: Yep.  
  
*On the TV*  
  
Cloud, Tifa, Sephiroth, and the one remaining guard travel along the path, reaching a cave, dimly lit but with brightly colored, sparkling walls.  
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "What's this?"   
  
Tifa   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "A mysteriously colored cave, dumbass!"  
  
*In the room*  
  
Tifa: So, so true... He IS a dumbass!  
  
Cloud: Hey!  
  
*On the TV*  
  
Sephiroth turns to the guard.  
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Take care of the lady."   
  
Cloud and Sephiroth climb up the stairs and enter the reactor. The guard blocks Tifa's path in.  
  
Tifa   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Mm, man! Better take real good care of me then!" *wink, wink*  
  
*In the room*  
  
Tifa: O.O  
  
*On the TV*  
  
Cloud hops up, peers into the pod and sees... a hideous, unnatural monster. He lets go of his handhold below the portal and lands sitting on the floor.  
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Wh... what is this!?"   
  
Sephiroth  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Jerry Springer."  
  
Cloud  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "AHHHHH!"  
  
*In the room*  
  
Aeris: *laughing*  
  
*On the TV*  
  
Sephiroth clutches his head, trembling.  
  
Cloud   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "H... hey, Sephiroth!"   
  
He puts out his hand.  
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "N... no...."   
  
Sephiroth stops trembling.  
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...Was I?"   
  
He draws his sword and begins furiously attacking the pods. Cloud jumps away.   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...Was I created this way too?"   
  
He slashes at the first pod.   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Am I... Am I a talk show host!?"   
  
*In the room*  
  
Cid: *laughing so hard milk's coming out of his nose* And it's not even finished yet!  
  
*On the TV*  
  
A pod opens and Ricki Lake falls out, lying there on the overturned dome of metal, not fully formed, twitching..... repulsive. The screen fades to black.  
  
*In the room*  
  
Zell: *eating popcorn along with everyone else apart from Sephiroth and Cloud*  
  
*On the TV*  
  
Sephiroth walks off after calling Cloud a traitor. Cloud runs to the main hall of ShinRa Mansion, and sniffs.  
  
Cloud  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hmmm.... I smell bacon!" *runs out*  
  
The town is on fire. Cloud checks his house and then sees Sephiroth kill some random dude.  
  
Cloud  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Ahahahahahaha!"  
  
Sephiroth  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Whaaaat?!"  
  
Cloud  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Your... *laugh* Hair... *laugh* Is on... *laugh* Fire!!!"  
  
Sephiroth  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" *runs around screaming*  
  
*In the room*  
  
Squall: Ehehehe... *notices a homicidal looking Sephiroth*  
  
*On the TV*  
  
The camera pans downward. We see Tifa, wielding Sephiroth's sword and assuming a fighting stance, at the bottom of the stairs.  
  
Tifa  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "How could you do that to the strip club?!" *attacks him, and is slashed back into Cloud*  
  
Cloud  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "MY BACK! GET OFF!" *dumps Tifa at the bottom of the stairs and runs up to the door, which is now locked* "OPEN THIS GODDAMNED DOOR! *pulls, and the door springs open, sending him flying back* "Oww..." *runs up through the door*  
  
Jenova's room. We see Jenova, a bizarre female being hidden beneath oddly angelic armor, connected to a mass of machines and electrical equipment. The camera pans down to show Sephiroth, standing facing his mother with his arms raised.   
  
Sephiroth   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Mother, let's take this planet back together."   
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've thought of a killer holiday! Let's go to the promised land!"   
  
Jenova  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Lovely, son!"  
  
Sephiroth  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "WHAT ON EARTH!?" *turns around to see Cloud* "You little..."  
  
*In the room*  
  
Cloud: Yep, I'm damn good at throwing my voice!  
  
*On the TV*  
  
Sephiroth in verdana  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "so don't worry..." *falls off* WHO THE ^&^$* PUT OIL ON THERE!?!  
  
Cloud  
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ *hides can of oil*  
  
*In the room*  
  
Lulu: We better turn this off before anyone gets hurt...  
  
Sephiroth is trying to strangle Squall, the same for Cid and Cloud. For some strange reason, the screen is now showing the final fight between Sephiroth and Cloud. Needless to say, the women are pleased.  
  
Sephiroth: TURN. IT. OFF. NOW.  
  
Cloud: *looking almighty pleased as he watches the Omnislash* He, he, he... Now THAT'S how you deal with a villan! No relations, no growing up together, just plain old-fashioned WHOOPASS!  
  
Zidane, Tidus & Squall: Showoff...  
  
Suddenly, almost every guy cries when Aeris's face is shown at the end...  
  
Aeris: *grin* I'm a natural actress!  
  
Then, every guy cries when the 500 years later thing shows up.  
  
Red: My beautiful tail... *wails*  
  
ANYWAY, enough of FF7 stuff!  
  
Rinoa: The narrator's right! *changes TV channel* O.O  
  
*On TV*  
  
Announcer: Welcome to the Doctor Kadowaki hour, where Doctor Kadowaki consumes your SOUL! On today is -  
  
Rikku: DAMN this is boring! *turns off TV*  
  
Cloud: *gazes at ceiling*  
  
Vivi: Watcha doin'?  
  
Cloud: I'm waiting for the roof to cave in because of how DAMN POINTLESS all that was!  
  
Vivi: Oh.  
  
So, they waited... And waited... And waited... And another wasted day. The next morning, however...  
  
Cloud: *banging on bathroom door* SEYMOUR, GET THE *^$*^ OUTTA THE SHOWER!  
  
Singing is heard from inside.  
  
Squall: Dammit! He's painting his toenails again!  
  
Seifer: And with our luck, he's using the slow-dry stuff!   
  
All: *sigh*  
  
  
A/N: *asking an 8 ball questions* Crappy? YES. Pointless? DEFINITELY SO. Another chapter? IT SEEMS POSSIBLE. ^_^ 


	7. A town full of Wakkas!

Disclaimer: I. DON'T. OWN. ANYTHING... What the hell?! Why should I say that!?! You already know!  
A/N: This chapter isn't pointless!!!  
  
  
Cloud, Zidane, Kuja, Tidus, Dagger, Aeris and Sephiroth sat in the TV room, relaxing after playing FF7 - 10.  
  
Cloud: *to no one in particular* We're all deep, sensitive characters in our games... But we're bums in real life.  
  
Sephiroth: *complaining about Squaresoft* They didn't even let me keep the damn sword...  
  
Aeris: You STOLE it!  
  
Sephiroth: ^_^ Oh yeah!  
  
Cloud: Why aren't we doing anything interesting!?!  
  
Kuja: 'Cause Tifa decided that we don't need Squaresoft!  
  
All: *sigh*  
  
Cloud: *standing up* I'm taking a walk.... *leaves*  
  
Barret: *eating a sandwich* Where's he going? *looks at clock* Oooo! The A Team's on!  
  
Cloud, for some reason, had to think about stuff. And what better place to go than Besaid?  
  
Guy: Hey, buy something, ya?  
  
Cloud: O.O A town full of Wakkas! *runs off, and keeps running*  
  
Suddenly, he hears a scream.  
  
Cloud: Dammit... Better go check it out.  
  
After a few minutes of pathetic searching, he found someone being attacked by a monster.  
  
Cloud: That's it? *sigh* DIE!!!! *leaps at monster and kills it with his hair* Now, who's this... O.O!!!  
  
It was a woman about his age.  
  
Cloud: *grin* She's cute! Unconsious, but cute! Damn... What the hell is up with such short days!?! Oh well... *picks up the lady and goes back to Alexandria*  
  
Tifa: *runs outside* Cloud, what the hell?! Who's this!?  
  
Cloud: Uh... Good question! *he takes her inside*  
  
Zidane: *wolf-whistle* She's HOT!  
  
Dagger: ZIDANE! *thwacks him with random object*  
  
Zidane: Ouch! *rubs head*  
  
Sephiroth: *walks in, with a towel around his waist* What's this? Cloud, you brung a hooker here!  
  
Cloud: NO I DIDN'T!!!!   
  
The lady wakes up.  
  
Lady: O.O Where am I?!  
  
Vivi: You're in Alexandria!  
  
Lady: How'd I get here!?  
  
Cloud: I brought you.  
  
Tidus: Hey, what's your name?  
  
Lady: Terra.  
  
Dagger: *starry eyes* Do you happen to know any Edgars?  
  
Terra: -_- Unfortunately, yes.  
  
Auron: Amazing.  
  
Yuna: Huh?  
  
Auron: No one has noticed that Sephiroth is only wearing a towel.  
  
Terra: @_@ And who is Sephiroth?  
  
Cloud: The guy on the other side of the couch.  
  
Terra: *sits up* THAT guy?  
  
Kuja: *_* NO! I'm wearing a -  
  
Zidane: ENOUGH!   
  
Terra: *sees Sephiroth* O_O Why are you only wearing a towel?  
  
Sephiroth: *blush* I was having a shower and the Teletubbies stole my clothes!  
  
Others: @_@  
  
Seymour: Lala must have thought it was me!  
  
Sephiroth: WHAAAAT!?!  
  
Yuna: Seymour, were you cheating on me!?  
  
Seymour: O.o No...  
  
Tidus: Yuna!?!  
  
Yuna: Tidus, darling, I DID get married to him!  
  
Tifa: Before ANYONE else says ANYTHING, could Sephiroth put some DAMN PANTS ON!?  
  
Sephiroth: But the Teletubbies-  
  
Cloud: I have another pair of pants in my room! You can borrow them!  
  
Sephiroth: I REFUSE TO WEAR YOUR PANTS!  
  
Cloud: Dammit Sephiroth, would you rather wear one of Tifa's skirts?!  
  
Sephiroth: YES!  
  
Tifa: In my room, bottom drawer, underneath the pretzels.  
  
Sephiroth: *runs off*  
  
Terra: Uh, hello?  
  
Everyone suddenly remembers she's there.  
  
Cloud: How'd you get to Besaid, anyway?  
  
Terra: Locke dared me to streak through Besaid when we were all drunk.  
  
Cloud: Ah, that brings back fond memories... *remembers when he dared Tifa to streak*  
  
Tifa: *pissed off* Cloud, I had drunk too much wine!  
  
Cloud: Yep, I know ^_^.  
  
  
  
A/N: Short AND crappy! Wheeeee! 


	8. Sephiroth's still wearing Tifa's skirt!

A/N: Wheee! I've finally decided to write this chapter! And, it'll have characters from other games!  
  
  
Tifa, checking the mail.  
  
Tifa: Eviction notice, bill, bill, jury duty, blackmail, oooo! A letter from someone we don't know! *opens it, and a peice of paper falls out*  
  
Yuna: *picks up peice of paper* Unlimited person pass to Xmas cruise to Costa De Sol!  
  
All: Ooooooooooo!  
  
Aeris: Hm... Sounds like fun!  
  
The next day...  
  
Terra: *holding everyone's luggage* Why do I have to come?!   
  
Cloud: 'Cause we're getting a private cabin!  
  
Terra: O.O  
  
Cloud: Nah, just kidding!  
  
Guy checking tickets: Welcome to the S.S. DumŽ, can I take your tickets please?  
  
Squall: O.O You're Ansem from Kingdom Hearts!  
  
Ansem: No shit, sherlock!  
  
Yuna: How'd you get here?   
  
Ansem: Either this or living with Hades.  
  
Cloud: Hades? HE'S HERE? AHHH! *hides behind Rinoa*  
  
Rinoa: ^_^ Tee-hee!  
  
Squall: *eye twitches* AIEEEE! *starts beating up Cloud*  
  
Person No One Noticed Walk Up: AHEM!  
  
They all look onboard to see a guy who looks just like Sephiroth.  
  
FF7 characters: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Guy who looks just like Sephiroth: Dammit... Why can't I have a human form?   
  
Terra: Huh?  
  
Tidus: Good thing it's easy to tell the difference between them! Sephiroth's still wearing Tifa's skirt!  
  
Selphie: *to Sephiroth* How on EARTH do you keep those legs so hairless?  
  
Girls: *admire his legs*  
  
Guys (except for Sephy): O_O  
  
Guy who looks just like Sephiroth: Come aboard, quickly! Before she sees you!  
  
Wakka: Who's 'she', ya?  
  
Guy who looks just like Sephiroth: Thou shalt know then the time hath come. *walks out of sight*  
  
Aeris: O.O He's acting like whassisname from Breath of Fire IV!  
  
Tifa: Fou-lu?  
  
Aeris: Lulu plays football?!   
  
Lulu: *gasps* How'd you know?!  
  
Cloud: I think we should go on board now.  
  
They go on board.  
  
Rikku: What the hell is wrong with the Narrator?! *pokes it*  
  
STOP THAT!  
  
Rikku: Hee, hee!  
  
Look, I just wish something interesting would happen...  
  
Random Naked Guy: WHEEEEEEE! *runs past*  
  
Sephiroth: MY EYES!  
  
Yuna: Hey! He kinda looked like you, Sephy!  
  
Blue haired girl with pointy ears who is NOT naked: AHHH! Come back!  
  
Oooo! Ok, I'm happy now! ^_^  
  
Auron: Can we get back to whatever we were doing?  
  
Sure... A girl with peach colored hair came up to them.  
  
Girl with peach colored hair: O.O How DARE j00 insult me!   
  
My... My lord! Your majesty, I did not know it was you!  
  
Girl with peach colored hair: Good! *to FF crews* Hello! My name is Peaches. I invited you all here for a Christmas party.  
  
Cid: Whooo! ALCHOMOHOL! *runs off in random direction*  
  
Peaches: ^_^'' Sorry, I couldn't resist. And you know that guy who just ran past? *to the reader* Guess who that guy was and what game he's from and I'll put you in the story AND I'll write a one-shot fanfic for anything of your choice! *cheesy grin*  
  
FF crews: O.o What the...?  
  
Peaches: Uh-oh! *notices men in Squaresoft coats walking towards her* Dammit!  
  
Squaresoft Guy: Miss Peaches?  
  
Peaches: KARATE CHOP! *chucks them all off the side of the ship*  
  
Cloud: *looking over* When did we set sail?  
  
Peaches: When you weren't looking!  
  
Cloud: ... Oh.  
  
Suddenly random "Chamma chamma" music starts playing.  
  
Peaches: Narrator, are you ok?  
  
I love this song! CHAMMA CHAMMA! CHAMMA CHAMMA!  
  
Peaches: No more Moulin Rouge for j00!  
  
You wouldn't!  
  
Peaches: Nup... I love this song too!  
  
Seifer: We're doomed.  
  
Zell: HOTDOGS! *runs off to a random place*  
  
Irvine: GUNS! *runs off to a random place*  
  
Rinoa, Quistis & Selphie: GUY PORN! *runs off to a random place*  
  
Squall: ... Whatever.  
  
Peaches: I knew I could get rid of them. ^_^  
  
Peaches, shouldn't you be... Oh, I dunno, ASLEEP?  
  
Peaches: It's only 4:22 am!   
  
Cloud: *looks around and sees that it's dark* Sweet lord!  
  
Dude... You're the only one out here!  
  
Cloud: O.O *runs off to his cabin*  
  
  
A/N: Ack... So... Damn... Tired... Couldn't... Be... Stuffed... Writing... More...  
Btw, my offer was for real. To make it easier for those who may know who it is, I call the guy "The Ass Flake"... Muahahaha! Guess, my pretties! Guess! 


End file.
